I don't know if I'm not going to regret to write this

I don't know if I'm not going to regret to write this, I do not know what It's worse
being drunk
or being a pathetic dreamer like me
I always thought I would live and die alone
Destiny or god or something it's laughing their asses of me
I had to reckon this I never been so good on telling somebody how I feel face to face and I'm scared of ending alone my days
Several months ago, for the first time in 3 years somebody made me truly dream
that someone like me could even have a chance
that's ironic
that's a relief
that's hurts a lot even
because I can't hug her
or even take her hand
or telling her face to face about how much means to me that tiny little conversations we got some nights
they set me back on track, keep calmed, learning to have some hope
Being hit so many times by the so called friends
Being hurt so many times by the so called good friends
I've lost my faith in the human beings
But this woman, not this time, she's the one who makes me smile
I can't remember last time somebody made me smile from my heart
Whatever happens
Whatever life throw up at me
Even If I fall again
I'll always remember your smile

Für Chrissy ;-)

This Is My Joy
Seeing your face
Just a photo a you

This Is My Joy
Feeling Your Smile
Knowing how your good feel us surround the air

This Is My Joy
Making ourselves smile each other
Enjoying ourselves despite being so far away

This Is My Torture
Not being able to hug you

This Is My Torture
Not feeling the touch of your hand

This Is My Torture
Not listening to your heartbeats

This my tiny little gift for your birthday
Along with my best wishes from the bottom of my heart

Just a little improvisation to say thanks

Gracias por estar ahi aunque no pueda sentirte
aunque no pueda tocarte
aunque suspire por una caricia tuya que quizá nunca llegue
porque aún estando los vientos en contra
tu sonrisa sopla y los aparta
todo eso me hace aún más añorarte
Al Loco caballero de raudo corazón, al cual le sacas lo mejor
no sabe como agradecerte
no sabe ya como halagarte
solo sabe que consigues su sonrisa por feo que haya sido el día

Para mi musa

Dos improvisaciones tontas y sin nombre que me aliviaron el corazón al escribirlas y el agobio que sentía en el momento de inspiración en el metro.
Alguien que me dijo una vez que llevase una libreta a mano, la he hecho caso. No obstante por cansancio extremo hace unas noches no recuerdo una mil veces mejor que estas dos.

1)

Because I can’t have you

I Can’t Dream at night

Because I Can’t have you

I’ve got no dreams

So near and so far away

You’re the star of my dream planet

And I can’t find the keys of my rocket launcher to get started

It makes me sad

And only remembering your smile I can carry thru the day

2)

Distance to the sun

Melts my heart

Distance to the sun

Freezes my body

Eats my mind

Drinks my soul

So close

So far away

Dreaming about what could have been

I wake up and I’m lonely

The Lovely ANGRY thoughts

Hello again, my blog

In the eve of my mini holidays in Valencia I just decided to share with you some thoughts I came to a conclusion, thanks to the people.

I'm special, I can't deny it even if somebody tell me that I'm normal, it's not that I'm the one you invite to a party or even to hang out.

There's an inner sense of being abandoned that cannot leave me, this it's so big during the main part of the year that I wonder If I'd ever find somebody to love forever with my soul and my mind, true love, not what people see and experience in ordinary life, for me love it's what my mom's father and mother delivered to each other, I've believed that my grandmother died of sadness, losing her husband (my grandaddy few years back then), something that I can't see outta there on the streets today.

My heart's sometimes it's so black that laughs so hard when there's some headlines regarding some home violence between so called lovers that really cheers me up that day, kinda strange huh, something that I do really think I'll never experience, firing me up to live thru that very day.

Now I divide in categories the women I see around in Madrid in like this, to just having some fun while I'm poking around, i'll add some thoughts:

    Bitch -> Unineuronal woman, dressed to fuck as much men as they can, easy to spot, sometimes could be confused with the Beauty Of This World categories.

    Blackberry Bitch -> If the Blues Brothers live, they would have a song called 'Everybitch needs a Blackberry To Love', while I have nothing against the business/scary Woman as well (a categorie not mentioned, because they're usually married, lol)), this it's something that when somebody has touché and it's not a Bitch, there's better looking opts in smartphone world that perform better and make less trouble to the people, if I'd give a present in form of smartphone to somebody I'd make it so special for him/her to just love my choice every single day it would suit him/her 100% percent.
    Fat

    Ugly

    Old

    Beauty Out Of This World -> well this it's answered by itself, women u can dream of, but you can't ever reach, like people on the other side of the world.

Today I spoke on the phone with 2 friends (fantastic guys btw) that live there In Valencia and what a blast, one of them has an unique virtue as he's
capable of cheering up someone as me with just speaking with him, and I breathe fresh air, something much needed lately.

On Saturday 10th December I'll be watching Ray Wilson playing live in a pub, acoustic and intimate show I guess and it's gonna be a blasT!.




There's some kind of possibilty to review my holidays here, so stay on!.


Next holidays I hope it will different

Cheers!.

About people

I really hate some people, truth to be told I hate almost 95% of the human beings.

They're all envious, they're all selfish, whether they find somebody truly ahead of them, it's mocked and throw away of society because being different and better. I understand now, why Homer has a pencil inside his head, he became stupid to be happy, I wonder if I should try something like that.

Some people says they're my friends, you're not alone and such kind of things, but what they do not know it's that I do only see the void at the end of the day, some of them even told me how brave I'm on being on holidays alone, however it's really scary to hear the noise of your heart and the noise of your thoughts in a dark room when you're lonely, the first two nights you're truly scared and anything could happen, I'm still asking myself:

Why I do resist?

Cheers

Definetly Hate

I cannot express my condolences to the kindred soul I used to be, I am so angry that I know people don't care about me and I don't give a shit for any single human being. The point it's that I'm not involved in some projects due to being prejudiced to somebody on them, I can't forgive people actions in the past, not anymore.

It's funny, I used to think back when I was a child and a dreamer, that I'd be on the way to be sucessful on my 30's and I'm noticing that's not true, that I'm a piece of crap who used to believe in Utopia.

I woke up and it hurts a lot, realizing that I'm gonna be alone, it hurts a lot see people that you don't know, around you happy, it drives me crazy.

Remember, for the ones who considers themselves my friends, please don't ever ask me what I'm really thinking, mostly because it could end badly if I start talking every single piece of hate my soul's got.

Why I can't be happy?
Did I lost my soul, so long ago, back when it was teared apart from me?
Shall I hate forever?