I'll even leave the blog

I gave up
I gave up on happiness
I gave up on love
I gave up on smiling
Just love the dark
I'll leave blogger, just as i left online gaming and facebook
I don't need people who ain't real
I don't need people with mental issues
I do not wish everyone in this fuckin planet happiness
I really wish from the bottom of my heart that you suffer the 5% I've been suffering, so you could understand how I feel.

More news

2012 it's the return of the nightmares

The RH1 came back to life just I was given a shock news, that I have another gruesome injury on my neck :'( , again for be 100% I'll have to undergo brutal medical things :( again 150% alone.

On the other side I do like somebody, but I do feel myself unworthy, I think she deserves better than a faulty guy like me :(

Some news

I stepped out of Facebook, for good.
I do no longer use Twitter even.
And I'm not in Google+

I'm in a very sad mood as years go by and I'm uncapable of finding someone who could make me smile for real, I accepted the fact that I would not be happy unless a miracle it's made (yeah I'm thinking of "All Of I Need Is A Miracle" of Mike & The Mechanics).

I've been playing Diablo 3 like crazy, with some old pal's and some gym pal's however I'm in such state of mind that most likely I'm gonna quit soon.


If something could told of what I would up to without Diablo 3, I'm trying to put together 2 mammoths projects, one it's a Software project, the other one It's perhaps the most ambitious idea that ever crossed my mind an scary thing if I'd reveal it.
Next week I'll have the results of my medical tests I went on Wednesday, let's put it this way, every single people on the damn fuckin' planet gets headfucked when they see it as it's right side of my neck.

I don't know if I'd cross paths again with anyone who reads this blog, because unless you're in my blacklist, the honor will be mine always.


Have a happy life for me

Some Dark Thoughts

After some kinda weird events I ended up buying an Imac and getting a Dell Vostro to fix the next week, I just started to notice how annoying it's Windows 'per se' and how Mac it's easy even for a dumbass like me.

Why do I call myself dumbass?, I'm pretty damn sure I'm not getting nothing the next week, feeling again the emptiness of my soul. Nobody wants to speak to me,  the one I do consider my only friend it's undergoing surgery the 24th and I gotta face up that I'm really worried :( . And last Friday I got at the gym, the greatest betrayal and disrespect of 'em all, making myself singing on my head the John Rebus 'FYTP' as well as a tune from Marillion titled The Uninvited Guest.  I made my choice to end my run when my contract expires in June.

Not so many people could figure it out that some human being I do hate the most from the deepest bottom of my heart because of what that creepy human being did to me back when I was a child, had an argument with me last weekend and somebody I do care supringsly so much than I actually do ever believed asking me to beg that person for forgiveness which I didn't do and I do actually proved my point, that argument is long forgotten now.

I'm also really worried that I do not really know what I'm gonna do with my holidays

I was too fool to realize

I was too fool to realize that I can't pretend to be friend of people I really don't share anything with them.
I was too fool to believe that I could be happy in this city
I'm too stupid to just leave it
At the end of the day, my heart just feels so alone, so much misunderstood that the inner pain, became so big that my mind have to shut it down.
If nothing changes in a big way, my gym term will end when my contract expire in May of this year and I will moving on as I always do: "I walk alone"

It's funny

Got no friends, just Jack
Nobody to talk, only drink
Just when u need a little bit of reassurance
Nobody's up for you
Did some people say I do scare them?
Good for them, tho
I'd rather not be something to somebody who doesn't like, that tiny little things that together form humanity
Somebody told me a long time ago, that I didn't need a relationship because of me
I'm starting to agree more than ever with that statement
Because there's times that when I think of somebody just hurts me so much I'd rather not think about, just to ease the pain of my heart.

I don't know if I'm not going to regret to write this

I don't know if I'm not going to regret to write this, I do not know what It's worse
being drunk
or being a pathetic dreamer like me
I always thought I would live and die alone
Destiny or god or something it's laughing their asses of me
I had to reckon this I never been so good on telling somebody how I feel face to face and I'm scared of ending alone my days
Several months ago, for the first time in 3 years somebody made me truly dream
that someone like me could even have a chance
that's ironic
that's a relief
that's hurts a lot even
because I can't hug her
or even take her hand
or telling her face to face about how much means to me that tiny little conversations we got some nights
they set me back on track, keep calmed, learning to have some hope
Being hit so many times by the so called friends
Being hurt so many times by the so called good friends
I've lost my faith in the human beings
But this woman, not this time, she's the one who makes me smile
I can't remember last time somebody made me smile from my heart
Whatever happens
Whatever life throw up at me
Even If I fall again
I'll always remember your smile